Nobody Said It Would Be Easy

On March 6th 2022 I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. It was a move that I have been planning for over a year but finally came to terms with recently. I transitioned my mom into an Assisted Living Facility. Her Alzheimer's is getting worse and she needs professional care 24/7. My mom still has her intelligence and sharpness but is no longer able to live in her home without the help of professionals. In an Assisted Living Facility there are nurses 24/7 and doctors on call to cater to her every need. My dad and I moved back in the house to care for her but it is a job that we aren't capable of doing alone anymore. I tried multiple times to create a family visitation system for her to be able to stay in her own home but it didn't work. There was a lack of consistency.

A major issue with my mom living at home was her not taking baths, refusing to take her medicine consistently and not sleeping. I changed all of the locks in the house to deadbolts so that she couldn't leave randomly and roam the neighborhood but that wasn't enough. I removed all objects from the walls and locked the refrigerator. My mom would take everything off the walls and out of the fridge then put it in her room underneath her bed claiming the items belonged to her. She still wasn't sleeping consistently, she was a busy body.  In the beginning she would allow me to give her medicine and she would take it. Then she became reluctant saying that nothing was wrong with her and stopped taking the medicine. I tried to put her medicine in applesauce which worked for a few weeks then she caught on and refused to eat the applesauce. Her sharpness is still intact. 

​My mom was a LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse) since she was 19 years old. Medicine and medical terms are engrained in every inch of her body. Her memory and mind is all over the place but she still knows and has her intuition. When she used to read the pill bottles she would say that she didn't need it because she knew exactly what each specific name meant and what ailment it was for. Her behavior is that of a child, her emotions very sporadic but her book smarts will fool most at first glance because her communication skills are A1.

Another negative of my mom being in her house with my father is the toxic energy that never escaped. Their relationship was rocky since the beginning and her mind is stuck on that. She never fully got over that hump mentally and the Alzheimer's made it worse. No matter what good he may have done for her currently she still was mentally stuck on their past problems. That energy was not healthy for anyone involved, my mom, my dad, nor myself.

Growing up I was constantly placed in the middle of their issues by default. I was the only child that lived in the house my whole life. When they would argue I would be in my room hearing it all. I was always stuck having to choose sides on matters that had nothing to do with me. This created walls within a home that could never be broken down.

I wanted my mom to be in a new environment that was clear of any negative energy or triggers so that she can live the remaining years of her life happy and at peace. I wanted the same for my father. I've been in communication with my mom's case manager for the last 6-8 months planning her transition. In May of 2021 he gave me a list of Assisted Living Facilities in my neighborhood that would be best for my mom. I visited 3 of them and found one that I loved.

I strongly considered moving my mom in October but felt it wasn't the right time. The owner of the home I wanted to put her in said that I needed to make the transition within a week as she couldn't hold on to the room much longer. There was a high demand for rooms in an Assisted Living Facility at the time and still is. So I decided to hold out and prayed that when it was time that the room would be available again.

As my mom's condition and behavior got worse I decided that it was finally time for her to move on to better beginnings. Her case manager sent me an updated list of ALF's and I found what I thought to be the perfect home for her. It was a nice home in a beautiful neighborhood 10 minutes away from where she grew up. It was close enough for all her friends and family to visit her whenever they wanted and she had roommates to keep her company. I visited the owner and agreed to all the terms. I filled out all the paperwork and made the first month's payment. The day was finally coming. I had one week before it was time to move my mom.

For the entire week leading up to moving my mom I couldn't sleep. I was filled with excitement that she would finally get the help that she needed but also filled with sadness and pain because it was another harsh reality of her condition. The woman who raised me and was my rock was no longer able to care for herself anymore. My anxiety was going through the roof leading up to the big move.

March 6th came and my mom didn't know where we were going but her energy was different. I told her that we were moving to a brand new home, which was something that she always wanted. She always talked about having a new home and moving so I used that to comfort her. When we made it to the ALF she was all smiles. I gave her a tour of the home with the owner and she was happy. For the first time I've seen my mom relaxed and happy. She didn't seem to have a worry in the world.

After dropping her off at her new home, the car ride back was an emotional one for me. I cried mixed tears but mainly tears of joy that she was in good hands. For the next day I couldn't get her off my mind. I was curious as to how she would handle a new environment. The owner told me to give her about a week or 2 to allow her to get adjusted before visiting. Then 2 nights later is when I got the call from the owner saying "I'm sorry, your mom isn't sleeping and is moving everything around in the house. We can't do it, it's impossible..." 

My heart was pounding with anger. My mind was racing with confusion. How could they give up so soon? Didn't she just tell me to give it about a week or 2 for my mom to get acclimated, yet its 2 nights and now it's IMPOSSIBLE!

I immediately called my mom's case manager and explained what was going on. He then gave me a new list of 4 facilities in the area. I called all 4 and they all had availability. I called the owner of the home my mom was currently at and told her that I was on my way to take my mom out. I got my refund and started the process all over again. I visited all 4 homes with my mom to see if they would accept her. They all did however I wasn't comfortable with any of them. I was running out of time and a slight panic begin to grow, then it clicked in me to try the ALF that I loved back in October.

By the grace of God, they had a room available for my mom and she was able to start the next day. 

Never Stop Pushing Forward

While at the new facility my mom has been nurtured like a baby while receiving the consistent medical attention that she desperately needed. She has been taking her medicine, sleeping, eating consistently and engaging with her new family. Once again my mom was all smiles and the tranquility in her eyes has made this entire process worth it. For the past few weeks I've been going non stop switching her doctors, taking her to appointments adjusting her medicine and creating a professional team of help for my mom. The woman that helped mold me into the person that I am today is finally in good hands.

I have been able to get a full night's sleep for the past week now. Something that I couldn't do for the past 4-5 years. Nobody said it would be easy...

My mom getting in some exercise.

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